Bathroom Ethics

There is something I love about a rainy day. I never can really describe it. Maybe it is how it makes one appreciate the shelter that we take for granted. Or maybe it is the concept peculiarity of water falling out of the sky. Maybe it is just the way the grass looks and how the sidewalk becomes shiny. Whatever it is. When it rains I like three things: coffee, taco bell, driving, reading, movies, cuddling, and my car. So more like... 7 things.

Today it rained, and all i got to do was go to taco bell and drive my car. But my car needs work so driving it sucked anyway. I was in taco bell and I was stoked. I ordered my food, and then went to the bathroom. For some reason, good things always happen to me in taco bell bathrooms. The first time, I was drunk and it was bull dogging a brew, but this time it was much more philosophical. I peed, and then upon washing my hands I looked around the bathroom to see what I was in for as far as drying my hands...

It was slim pickins as they say where I am from. The only hand drying option was an electric hand dryer. The kind that blows hot air. I don't like those. How is air supposed to dry hands? I guess it works or they wouldn't waste time buying the dryers and installing them. Needless to say I'm a paper towel guy. I sacrifice the life of a beautiful life form (a tree) for the comfort of my hands and for the cleanliness of the opening the door of the bathroom and turning off the sink.

My annoyance with the lack of a paper towel got me thinking. What if I had options. I mused further. What if i was neutral minded towards my preference of a wet hand remedy and i was looking for the most ethical way to wash my hands. I came up with three options.

A. Dont do it. For lazy people who don't give a fuck. A good choice for many. But for those with ethical intent, its gross, spreads bacteria, stds (who knows what you got when you been holdin on yo junk) and etc.

B. Use the electric blower. Two problems. 1. not sanitary. There are germs all over the thing. Think about all the kids that don't know how to wipe their ass and then think its funny to turn on the blower because its loud and pushing buttons is fun! Needless to say touching the blower with clean hands is a waste of time and will recontaminate. And touching the faucet with bare hands to turn it off is the same concept. No matter what combination of things are done there is contamination that goes from the process of washing hands to the door handle. And even if one does manage to make it to the door handle, the door handle will be touched and germs will be spread. No matter what happens, one carries germs are spread from you to innocent white protestants. Unethical.

C. What seems to be the best option is paper towels. This is the only way to avoid the spreading of germs. So its ethical right? WRONG! Have fun killing a tree mutherfucker! Either be clean or green. Unethical

D. The only ethical thing to do i would say would be to terminate your self if you find yourself in a bathroom without an electric door. And even then your at risk of spreading STD's if you sat on the seat.

So next time your in tacobell and you face this dilema, even though the tacobell in normal only has a blower so your decision is premade. Id recommend doing as the romans do. Bring a beer chug that son'a'bitch and forget about it.

Pardon my French.
Currently listening: Andy Mckee, Miles Davis, and Drunken ambiance from my floor.

Take care ladies and gents

Hopefully Im not gay PS

PS. On the plane I farted real bad sitting next to my sister. She had to deal with it for hours. Well about a minute... but still.

Hopefully I am not Gay

Picture me on an Airplane. It is a clear night and I am sitting next to the window feeling all of the dynamics of an infrequent flyer. I am wearing headphones and passing atlanta, the flight is smooth and comforting in the strangest way.

Today (5 days ago now, but this was handwritten) on two airplanes, gone throgh three airplanes, and seen thousands of people whom I will never know. This experience is something that led me to feel infinite, thought provoking. I remember seeing a man in a red polo that read "Red Dog Saloon, Juneau, Ak: It reminded me largely ofe my Jr High best friend, but from there my thoughts were free to snowball. I thought about humanity and how we are interconnected. I saw people flying for all different reasons. Newlyweds obviously about to do it and make the babies! And struggling single mothers, exhausted to the point of destruction trudging through the crowded corridors.

I suppose I never really had a point in writing this, I was just happy to have had these thoughts and noticed people besides myself. I get so caught up in thinking intrinsicly about what things mean to me that I lose sight of everything else that takes up so much more space than I do. Perhaps I shouldnt be on an airplane to have these revelations. Id strongly reccomend flying sometime, it was a nice wake up call. People watching is sweet.

Currently Listening: Nevertheless - From the inside looking in

Naked

Yesterday, was the last day of Cornerstone Festival. A beloved music festival that I attend nearly every year. Cornerstone is a festival in which patrons camp on site and if it rains, everyone is screwed. I am one who is lucky to live 20 minutes away so when it rains and everyone is screwed I am dry in macomb in my bed. It can definitely be a nice thing. Anyway, it rained the night before the last day of cornerstone. It rained alot. It rained 4 inches in 12 hours. I was in macomb and dry.

Because I love cornerstone and would be sad to miss any bit of it. I decided to brave the grossness and drive back to cornerstone and see what could be seen. I did, and I found aloto of destroyed/wet tents, my friend luke hess wondering around, a trash can that we ended up starting a hobo fire in (later to get bitched out by the neighbors because aparently plastic tents smell bad when burnt), and a huge mud slide. I got in my boxers and then decided to go mud sliding. But by the time i got there it was too late and the mud had turned into poop/clay/thick mud that you wouldn't want to slide in. So we slid anyway. Not really but we like mud skated across. And despite being in my boxers, at that point we decided (luke and I) to go exploring. We walked around for quite a while getting some strange looks. But eventually luke got tired and went home which left me alone.

I didnt mind. I enjoyed walking around feeling almost free. Almost. I walked in a tent where a band called the Fold was playing and the vocalist notiioned toward me. But as all pantsless adventures go, it eventually had to end. Even though I was not exposed... What happened was I was walking towards the food court and these two radical looking dudes yelled,

"Hey underwear guy!"

"Yeah?" I said.

"You cant do this." They Said.

"Nothing is exposed." I explained.

"There are families here." They said.

"Alot of people walk around here in their undies" I said.

"We have to call for a security escort, a guy in a security cart is going to come pick you up. your not really in trouble or getting kicked out. You just have to change." They said.

"Ugh" I said.

Cornerstone was sweet though. It really was. My parents even liked it.

Some bands I enjoyed:

mewithoutYou

Brooke Waggoner

The harpist Lady

Fundamental Elements

Photoside Cafe

Deas Vail

Copeland

Owl City

Some Metal Bands

Some other bands I forgot the name of

Oops

I suck at writing coherently.

I meant to say Human Satisfaction. Not Hum Disatisfied.

hahaha

Facebook

I have not blogged in forever. Id like to apologize to the 2.55 people that actually read my crappy excuse of a blog/column. I could make excuses, but thats kind of a bitch move, and you know im not about that. (haha) Just know it means alot that you care enough to listen to what I have to say, and that I will try harder to write more. And good shit too, not that crappy list of things I made of things I did. Haha, well good for me at least....relatively.

Anyway.

The other day I was sitting in my livingroom with my friends chilling and shooting shit, guy stuff I suppose. We sit there for no more than five minutes before one of my friends presumebly got bored so went and grabbed a computer to check their facebook. I talk like this has only happened once, this happens everytime I hang out with my friends. Thinking about this perplexes me, Facebook is a social networking website. Really its pretty boring, especially if you check it 9+ times a day like the majority of my friends (sometimes even including me). Its addictive. And if you were to ask me I would rant about how it plays off hum dissatisfied. But in this column thats another say for another day.

I deleted my facebook for a good two months. They were great. I had this theory. I believed that each day I had a limited amount of "social energy" that would be wasted through the sythetic conversations and social interactinos of facebook. Eventually I gave in and reactivated it. Live has sucked more ever since. I really do have less desire to talk to people. I waste time with it. Damn, im gonna delete taht shit right now.... (3 Minutes Later) Damn I cant or no one would know about the existant of this post.

Dont get me wrong. I dont hate facebook. Well, I kidnof do. But I also know it can be a good tool to keep in contact with people and all that jazz. Also, keep in mind, I did better with the ladies when my facebook was deleted. Seriously. Facebook is a swag killer. Nuff Said.

Basically, when your in my house, I really hope your not thatt bored to where you have to check your facebook. Like seriously, we can play monopoly or something. Maybee go fish. Or have a thumb war. There is no interaction as good as person to person interaction, so why waste it.

Listening: Good Ole Miles Davis, and Atmosphere

Future Topics:

Fuck Future Topics, I never use them anyway

Emotional Control

a reflective poem i wrote:

Two days ago I begun reading my favorite book again.

Two days ago I dran k alot of coffee and it made me feel high.

Two days I read my favorite book, drank coffee, and listned to knives out and felt euphorically tingly. 

Yesterday I threw my cooler and it felt real good.

Yesterday I threw a bucket and it felt kindof good.

Yesterday I threw a pen and I felt like an idiot.

Yesterday I listened to music.

Yesterday I went running.

Yesterday I encouraged people

Yesterday I did push ups.

Yesterday I did not drink alcohol. 

Today I rode my bike real fast and hard.

Today I ate some food and it made me feel better.

Today I pulled my hair.

Today I called people I dont normally talk to bounce concepts.

Today I went on a walk with an old friend.

Today I listened to heavy music.

Today I listened to pretty music.

Today I listened to blues traveler.

Today I yelled obscenities.

Today I bought two hats.

Today I didnt ask someone who I wanted to ask to eat pancakes.

The pancakes were really good.

Tomorrow I will wake up 4 times before i wake up.

Oral Observations.

Oral sex! 

Thats right I said it. Oral sex. This post is not about oral sex... 

Anyway,

A few months ago, I recall watching the debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin. There are alot of things I remember about this debate; many of these include things such as: sarah palin not knowing how to pronounce the g in any word ending in "ing", Sarah Palin making many references about a mysterious man named Joe the Plumber, both sides agreeing about being against same sex marriage and much more. 

Anyway, The most significant aspect of this debate to me, however, was Joe Biden's smile. Everytime Sarah would say anything leaning strongly right, or say I-N as opposed to I-N-G at the end of a word-- too many times in a sentence, Joe would unleash this effulgent, patronizing smile. When someone brings this debate up to me, I just get this overpowering overwhelming mental image of Joe Biden's obnoxious smug smile.  This smile sticks out to me for many reasons. For one, I know a couple of people that will wait till I start kicking their ass in a bit of an argument and then they will whip out the same smug-asss (pardon the language) smile as a last resort. Like what I am saying is so ridiculous its funny. Ugghhhhhh, that just makes me want to punch them in the freaking face! But it wouldnt be so good to punch my sister in the face. 

The other reason I suppose this image sticks out to me so much, is that his teeth were soo damn white. Honestly, I bet those things glow in the freaking dark. Maybee he was just proud of his teeth and he just wanted to show them off while his mouth was free and Sarah was talking. Anyway, needless to say, I pay alot of attention to peoples teeth.

I used to think that you could tell alot about people by looking at their teeth. But then I started writing this blog. 

Currently Listening: COUNT BASIE!

Future topics: Why Facebook is a piece of shit!

                          Why Colgate Toothpaste is a piece of shit.

                          Why Judging people by their teeth is a piece of shit.

Life Progress

Here I sit on my dads computer. Its a sunday afternoon. I love the rain.

I think about myself. 

Hungover. Lethargic. Young. Curious. Anxious. Etc. 

I now face the rest of my life.

Music Therapy

Okay, so I apolgize in advance, what you are about to read will: A. Make you dumber. B. Offend some of you, and in that case, I apologize for my language, and I assure you that my views are not projected by my phresh vherbz. C. You tell me.

Its a sadaday night n'I got nothin to do

All I fuddin got is my mudda fuddin crew

They dont really like me

But I buy them all these nikE(e)s

And I hate just gettin  stuck in mah room like at schoo

Conans alright

but im feelin it tonight

My geddup is tight

and my fists are-ready to fight, aight?

Im dressed to impress

and my whip is phresh

these niggaz never seen such skillz in chess.

We pull up to the club and we swerve like a lesbian

WE act like thespians

and look like the mezcreans

We walk on in that door and we cool like a ceiling fan

we glide like pedestrians

and stride on dem bitches nigga.

Our doh be flyin all through the air

all dem bitches be scream gimme more cyfokair (a variation of my rap name)

Its rainin is pourin cause i been on dat grind

I been workin hard and dat success i find

Its never good to be one dem hate-in nigz

because sticks can break yo bones and dem twigz, bitch

I was rollin home, my mood kinda sober

I took a shower and watched steven colber

He made my laugh

and he made me cry

will smith dont cuss

but that aint I

Okay, so basically, this is embarrassing, but i had a horrible night and I had to unwind, so i made a slightly vulgar rap. Believe it or not, it works though, I started this thing depressed, and I finished comparing myself to will smith. Never fails. 

Listening: Dem Phresh Beats playin in mah headddddddd

God Cop, Bad Cop Part Two

One time I stole this Hamm's hat from my friend Derek Hammond. I love Derek dearly, but i wanted that hat. He didn't seem too emotionally attached to the hat and so I thought I would be justified in "borrowing" the hat for a while. He still doesnt know, that he will never see the hat ever again.

It all started when my friends and I went to the worst show ever. In springfield illinois there is this abominable venue called the Black Sheep Cafe. Imagine one of those old cute buildings that you might find on an old town square. Now take away the cute part and add in alot of dirt on the floor, the grossest bathroom in illinois, a bunch of meat heads waiting to prove how br00taL they can be in the pit, and Sam Barsi. Yeah, thats pretty bad. Anyway, thats where we went. 

The show itself was really bad, except for one band. We regretted not being late. The bands were terrible, and it was too cold to go outside. Just for clarity, I know I am making myself sound like the victim here. I know that I chose to go here and everything, but the night turned sour, I promise. All of the bands were bad though, except one. Not to mention, poor sam barsi hadnt had dinner yet. The only good thing sam barsi had was derek's hamms hat, and even with that, things looked grim.

After the show, we decided to grab a bite, so we aimlessly drove around untill we found a Denny's. Sweet. We all got french toast slams. At about the the same time, they brought us the food, this really drunk guy walked up to our table. He looked at us with these googly eyes. And then his focused on me. 

He said, "DOOOD! Wharred you ghettt that hat??? I yused toooo, haave dat same hat!! IT WAS MY F**King Favorite. Whered you get it."

I was tired and when im tired, i tend to withdraw a bit socially so i was a bit less assertive than normal, this may have been my downfall.

Anyway, I said. "This is my friends hat, Im borrowing it, I cant really sell it or anything."

Then he talked about how bad hamms beer was, but he said it was like 5 dollars for a 12 pack in Missouri, which is pretty cheap. While this was happening one of my friends (aaron) was in the bathroom and the drunk guy sat in his spot. It was awkward when he came back. 

Eventually the drunk guy returned to his seat.

We ate our meal and really forgot about the the drunk guy. We were all starting to feel better, and the coffee i was drinking was starting to kick in and I was feeling better when...

That drunk guy got crazy! I heard something be hind me, but by the time I turned around, the drunk guy was pulling my hat off my head and turnign for the door, I had the window seat, so I had no chance on chasing him. And why would I do that anyway? Bold move right? I give him some props.

So anyway derek isnt getting his hat back.

On the way back, I got pulled over and ticketed. The cop was terribly impolite and he made all of these false accusations. I was going 70 in a 55. He asked us what we were doign at 2 in the morning and we told him we were coming back from a metal show. 

I think that guy was a country fan. Because officer john goddard had the last word that day. 

Good cop, Bad cop.

I know this wasnt one of my better writings, but I felt like I wanted to write, so I did. And I am really fortunate, and I know im not a victim. haha. thanks for reading.

currently listening: Deas Vail, White Lights EP

Future topics: 

Gettign out of a ticket, because officer John Goddard was out of his jurisdiction.

 

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

So you probably read the title of my blog and thought that I was gonna talk about womens suffrage or talk about girls having fun. Those things are fine and dandy, but really do not pertain. The truth is, I HATE THAT SONG! Today I was doing dishes, and that song came on and I wanted someone to hit me in the head with a bat in order for it to end. I dont even care if the bat that hit me in the head was made out of Miley Cyrus songs, It would have been better than having to endure such metaphysical terror. 

I am constantly annoyed by this. The station that my work is called K100 WKAI, and I will tell you that this station is exponentially shitty. Yeah I said shit, because thats what it is. Words like poo and crap are not nearly severe enough. But K100 WKAI's motto is "Today's Best Music." I have never gone farther from the truth in my life. I hear 2 Nickelback songs a night at least, I've been hearing that "keep bleedin" song for like 6 months, they are constantly playing washed up greenday songs that werent even good in the first place.

When there is so much phenomenal music in the world. Why limit your radio station to just a playlist of 120 songs or so it seems. Some days I hear the same song twice or three times. Its usually not a good song. I would bet money that more people hate k100 than like it. 

Ill admit Im a music snob, I really am. But shouldn't the DJs be too? I mean what are they donig for the future of music? Isnt it their job to play good music?

Wait, what? Its about the money?

Figures.

Listening: Godspeed! You Black Emporer/ Save Ferris

Future Topics:

Doing Dishes

Miley Cyrus

Thinking

What to do about FLAT TIRES

What to do about Whattodoabout.com

One time I was at dinner with some friends from work and conversation was flowing. Someone whom I was dining with mentioned an Indian Man in telling a story. For clarification, another dinner of mine asked the question, "Dot or Feather?" Everyone at the table kind of stopped and looked him, we were all thinking, "What?" From here he went on to explain that he was asking weather it was the kind of Indian person to have a dot on their forehead (traditional religious belief of India) or a feather that would refer to a Native American Indian that wore a head dress. Anyway, I thought it was really funny.

The stereotype of Indians with dots on their foreheads really only remind me of one thing right now. Seven Eleven General Stores. (I always have had a strange thought process.) My first experience at a Seven Eleven General Store was two days ago. I was visiting Chicago (Im still there even now, but thats a different story) and I needed a vitamin C fix so I went to hook myself up at a seven eleven.

I walked into the place and It hit me like a brick. A wall of sound. There were people dancing, and it was strange, but it took me a minute to realize that I had just walked into a General Store off of the streets of Chicago and they were blasting the song "you make me wanna lala." At this point, I did want to LaLa.
I thought it was so cool. I had never walked into a general store/dance party before.

The guy at the check out was like 50, Italian (not indian), and he was awkwardly moving with the music. He sold me my bottle of Naked, and I walked out pondering. Like a farm boy in the city.

Dorky ending I know.

Listening: Panera Smooth Jazz Playlist

Future Topics: Tire Trouble

Good Cop, Bad Cop

Its a fact of life: you make an innocent harmless mistake while driving, and a suited man with a gun and a car with flashy blue and red lights gets behind you and flags you to the side of the road with his light show of terror. Your heart rate escalates, your eyes dialate, and you brace for what could make or break the rest of your day. Or if your my friend L.W. alot of days. :)

The other day my band: Emporia, played a show in keokuk IA. We played in a venue called "Music at the Mall." Its a really cool place, for young bands like us to play and start building a fan base. Everything was going extremely well until after the show when we decided to go to McDonalds. We got there at 10:50 and we were about halfway through our meal when the abominable b**** employee lady came up and rudely rudely kicked us out. So we left, we wernt really mad, but we were a little upset and felt like the man was already stickin it to us. As a metal band that didnt feel so good.

As we left, and started driving home through Keokuk, we were pretty distracted because we were thinking about the boss lady kicking us out. Before we knew it, there were those terrifying red and blue lights behind us. We got pulled over, and now I wonder if that McDonalds closing nazi lady called us in, because I dont know how fast I was going but it wasnt fast. The officer came up and asked me for my ID and whatever else. I gave him my cracked IL ID and he huffed, "YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, WHAT DID YOU WASH IT?" He seemed really pissed. Then he asked us what we were doing. I told him we were a band. He asked what kind.

Let me say something about this guy. You know those people in Illinois or IOWA that talk like they may be from like Arkansas or some where southern?  Like the der der der sounding language? This perplexes me. I grew up with a kid that talked like that. He always did since like first grade. He lived on a farm, so maybee it was all of the fertilizer fumes or something, I dont know;  but this guy talked like that. I assumed he listened to country music, so I hesitated.

Then he said, "Let me just tell you, I dont listen to country." I said the word metalica. And he let us go. Nice guy.

Listening: Miles Davis, Dillinger Escape Plan

Future Topics: More about cops?

Untitled

First thigns first. This dude is in a good band, they actually write songs for radiohead. Yeah, I said it.

I have been to all of my spring 09 classes now. Its goign to be a long and hard semester. But whatever, i can deal. This is what happens if you cell phone goes off in class. Two of my professors have this 'policy.'

The teacher who this video is based from is my Philosophy teacher. Hes a bad ass so far.

Men in the Bathroom

The other day I was walking through the shampoo isle at walmart and I suddenly had the desire to buy a can of hairspray. I took it home, and that night before I took a shower, I spent ten or fifteen minutes soaking my head with the stuff and styling my hair in different ways. It was interesting to me. I had never done such a thing and it was strangely entertaining.
I think alot of people do some of their best thinking in the shower. To be honest, it may be the only time that people spend in silence to just group their thoughts. That is something I think is really important. That is also something that is off topic and will possibly be talked about another time.
But while i was washing the the hairspray out of my hair in the shower, I started thinking. I asked myself: What would my father think of this? Am I metrosexual yet? (Id rather not be) Should I pick a style and wear it out? (Maybee I am :/) haha
Anyway, going to class today, I paid alot of attention to peoples hair. And there were actually more guys than I expected that wore their hair in some sort of style besides the default. So I felt a little better. And then I thought about the movie O Brother Where Art Thou. And if you have seen it, the main character had an obsession with his hair. Then I didnt know if I should feel better or not.
I may as well experement with it though. I did buy the stuff. If people call me metro or gay so be it. I know the truth.

Listening: Garden State Soundtrack

Future Topic Ideas:
Going to and People at The Rec Center
Thinking in the Shower
Shopping Malls
Walking the Dog
Snow
Nostalgia
Booze
YouTube Videos Involving the word "Genitals"

About?

This month i've felt different. I really cannot explain how or why, i just do. I feel like part of me had been gone for a long time, and now it has returned. In these past months I have just had more energy, I have had more thoughts, whatever it is I like it.
When I watched marley and me I liked the idea of the main character being a columnist, so essentially, thats what im going to do. I am going to write about things like I am a columnist. Some of what I say will be happy, sad, interestesting, thought provoking, and whatever else seems to come out of me. To be honest, I doubt I will be very good at it at first, but with time I believe my posts will get better. So anyway, thanks for stopping by. Enjoy.
Im ron burgandy and you stay classy san diego.