Oops

I suck at writing coherently.

I meant to say Human Satisfaction. Not Hum Disatisfied.

hahaha

Facebook

I have not blogged in forever. Id like to apologize to the 2.55 people that actually read my crappy excuse of a blog/column. I could make excuses, but thats kind of a bitch move, and you know im not about that. (haha) Just know it means alot that you care enough to listen to what I have to say, and that I will try harder to write more. And good shit too, not that crappy list of things I made of things I did. Haha, well good for me at least....relatively.

Anyway.

The other day I was sitting in my livingroom with my friends chilling and shooting shit, guy stuff I suppose. We sit there for no more than five minutes before one of my friends presumebly got bored so went and grabbed a computer to check their facebook. I talk like this has only happened once, this happens everytime I hang out with my friends. Thinking about this perplexes me, Facebook is a social networking website. Really its pretty boring, especially if you check it 9+ times a day like the majority of my friends (sometimes even including me). Its addictive. And if you were to ask me I would rant about how it plays off hum dissatisfied. But in this column thats another say for another day.

I deleted my facebook for a good two months. They were great. I had this theory. I believed that each day I had a limited amount of "social energy" that would be wasted through the sythetic conversations and social interactinos of facebook. Eventually I gave in and reactivated it. Live has sucked more ever since. I really do have less desire to talk to people. I waste time with it. Damn, im gonna delete taht shit right now.... (3 Minutes Later) Damn I cant or no one would know about the existant of this post.

Dont get me wrong. I dont hate facebook. Well, I kidnof do. But I also know it can be a good tool to keep in contact with people and all that jazz. Also, keep in mind, I did better with the ladies when my facebook was deleted. Seriously. Facebook is a swag killer. Nuff Said.

Basically, when your in my house, I really hope your not thatt bored to where you have to check your facebook. Like seriously, we can play monopoly or something. Maybee go fish. Or have a thumb war. There is no interaction as good as person to person interaction, so why waste it.

Listening: Good Ole Miles Davis, and Atmosphere

Future Topics:

Fuck Future Topics, I never use them anyway

Emotional Control

a reflective poem i wrote:

Two days ago I begun reading my favorite book again.

Two days ago I dran k alot of coffee and it made me feel high.

Two days I read my favorite book, drank coffee, and listned to knives out and felt euphorically tingly. 

Yesterday I threw my cooler and it felt real good.

Yesterday I threw a bucket and it felt kindof good.

Yesterday I threw a pen and I felt like an idiot.

Yesterday I listened to music.

Yesterday I went running.

Yesterday I encouraged people

Yesterday I did push ups.

Yesterday I did not drink alcohol. 

Today I rode my bike real fast and hard.

Today I ate some food and it made me feel better.

Today I pulled my hair.

Today I called people I dont normally talk to bounce concepts.

Today I went on a walk with an old friend.

Today I listened to heavy music.

Today I listened to pretty music.

Today I listened to blues traveler.

Today I yelled obscenities.

Today I bought two hats.

Today I didnt ask someone who I wanted to ask to eat pancakes.

The pancakes were really good.

Tomorrow I will wake up 4 times before i wake up.

Oral Observations.

Oral sex! 

Thats right I said it. Oral sex. This post is not about oral sex... 

Anyway,

A few months ago, I recall watching the debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin. There are alot of things I remember about this debate; many of these include things such as: sarah palin not knowing how to pronounce the g in any word ending in "ing", Sarah Palin making many references about a mysterious man named Joe the Plumber, both sides agreeing about being against same sex marriage and much more. 

Anyway, The most significant aspect of this debate to me, however, was Joe Biden's smile. Everytime Sarah would say anything leaning strongly right, or say I-N as opposed to I-N-G at the end of a word-- too many times in a sentence, Joe would unleash this effulgent, patronizing smile. When someone brings this debate up to me, I just get this overpowering overwhelming mental image of Joe Biden's obnoxious smug smile.  This smile sticks out to me for many reasons. For one, I know a couple of people that will wait till I start kicking their ass in a bit of an argument and then they will whip out the same smug-asss (pardon the language) smile as a last resort. Like what I am saying is so ridiculous its funny. Ugghhhhhh, that just makes me want to punch them in the freaking face! But it wouldnt be so good to punch my sister in the face. 

The other reason I suppose this image sticks out to me so much, is that his teeth were soo damn white. Honestly, I bet those things glow in the freaking dark. Maybee he was just proud of his teeth and he just wanted to show them off while his mouth was free and Sarah was talking. Anyway, needless to say, I pay alot of attention to peoples teeth.

I used to think that you could tell alot about people by looking at their teeth. But then I started writing this blog. 

Currently Listening: COUNT BASIE!

Future topics: Why Facebook is a piece of shit!

                          Why Colgate Toothpaste is a piece of shit.

                          Why Judging people by their teeth is a piece of shit.

Life Progress

Here I sit on my dads computer. Its a sunday afternoon. I love the rain.

I think about myself. 

Hungover. Lethargic. Young. Curious. Anxious. Etc. 

I now face the rest of my life.

Music Therapy

Okay, so I apolgize in advance, what you are about to read will: A. Make you dumber. B. Offend some of you, and in that case, I apologize for my language, and I assure you that my views are not projected by my phresh vherbz. C. You tell me.

Its a sadaday night n'I got nothin to do

All I fuddin got is my mudda fuddin crew

They dont really like me

But I buy them all these nikE(e)s

And I hate just gettin  stuck in mah room like at schoo

Conans alright

but im feelin it tonight

My geddup is tight

and my fists are-ready to fight, aight?

Im dressed to impress

and my whip is phresh

these niggaz never seen such skillz in chess.

We pull up to the club and we swerve like a lesbian

WE act like thespians

and look like the mezcreans

We walk on in that door and we cool like a ceiling fan

we glide like pedestrians

and stride on dem bitches nigga.

Our doh be flyin all through the air

all dem bitches be scream gimme more cyfokair (a variation of my rap name)

Its rainin is pourin cause i been on dat grind

I been workin hard and dat success i find

Its never good to be one dem hate-in nigz

because sticks can break yo bones and dem twigz, bitch

I was rollin home, my mood kinda sober

I took a shower and watched steven colber

He made my laugh

and he made me cry

will smith dont cuss

but that aint I

Okay, so basically, this is embarrassing, but i had a horrible night and I had to unwind, so i made a slightly vulgar rap. Believe it or not, it works though, I started this thing depressed, and I finished comparing myself to will smith. Never fails. 

Listening: Dem Phresh Beats playin in mah headddddddd

God Cop, Bad Cop Part Two

One time I stole this Hamm's hat from my friend Derek Hammond. I love Derek dearly, but i wanted that hat. He didn't seem too emotionally attached to the hat and so I thought I would be justified in "borrowing" the hat for a while. He still doesnt know, that he will never see the hat ever again.

It all started when my friends and I went to the worst show ever. In springfield illinois there is this abominable venue called the Black Sheep Cafe. Imagine one of those old cute buildings that you might find on an old town square. Now take away the cute part and add in alot of dirt on the floor, the grossest bathroom in illinois, a bunch of meat heads waiting to prove how br00taL they can be in the pit, and Sam Barsi. Yeah, thats pretty bad. Anyway, thats where we went. 

The show itself was really bad, except for one band. We regretted not being late. The bands were terrible, and it was too cold to go outside. Just for clarity, I know I am making myself sound like the victim here. I know that I chose to go here and everything, but the night turned sour, I promise. All of the bands were bad though, except one. Not to mention, poor sam barsi hadnt had dinner yet. The only good thing sam barsi had was derek's hamms hat, and even with that, things looked grim.

After the show, we decided to grab a bite, so we aimlessly drove around untill we found a Denny's. Sweet. We all got french toast slams. At about the the same time, they brought us the food, this really drunk guy walked up to our table. He looked at us with these googly eyes. And then his focused on me. 

He said, "DOOOD! Wharred you ghettt that hat??? I yused toooo, haave dat same hat!! IT WAS MY F**King Favorite. Whered you get it."

I was tired and when im tired, i tend to withdraw a bit socially so i was a bit less assertive than normal, this may have been my downfall.

Anyway, I said. "This is my friends hat, Im borrowing it, I cant really sell it or anything."

Then he talked about how bad hamms beer was, but he said it was like 5 dollars for a 12 pack in Missouri, which is pretty cheap. While this was happening one of my friends (aaron) was in the bathroom and the drunk guy sat in his spot. It was awkward when he came back. 

Eventually the drunk guy returned to his seat.

We ate our meal and really forgot about the the drunk guy. We were all starting to feel better, and the coffee i was drinking was starting to kick in and I was feeling better when...

That drunk guy got crazy! I heard something be hind me, but by the time I turned around, the drunk guy was pulling my hat off my head and turnign for the door, I had the window seat, so I had no chance on chasing him. And why would I do that anyway? Bold move right? I give him some props.

So anyway derek isnt getting his hat back.

On the way back, I got pulled over and ticketed. The cop was terribly impolite and he made all of these false accusations. I was going 70 in a 55. He asked us what we were doign at 2 in the morning and we told him we were coming back from a metal show. 

I think that guy was a country fan. Because officer john goddard had the last word that day. 

Good cop, Bad cop.

I know this wasnt one of my better writings, but I felt like I wanted to write, so I did. And I am really fortunate, and I know im not a victim. haha. thanks for reading.

currently listening: Deas Vail, White Lights EP

Future topics: 

Gettign out of a ticket, because officer John Goddard was out of his jurisdiction.